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How To Handle Rejection & Grow Confidence

August 31, 2015

 

Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could instantly change the way you feel about things that go wrong…in dating, at work, with social relationships…and retain your confidence?

 

Well you can, and it takes only a second with this incredibly simple strategy.

 

Here's a personal example...

 

I used to get pretty upset if a guy I was dating just suddenly stopped calling. 

 

I would immediately think "What did I do wrong?  Was there something in my teeth?  Did I walk out of the Ladies with my knickers tucked into my dress?".  It would all culminate in variations of “There’s something wrong with me”.

 

My confidence and mood would be completely shot and I could look forward to several days (if not longer) of mooching about playing sad love songs and feeling like a scaly monster.

 

I see this in dating all the time...Women attaching really hurtful and unhelpful meanings to an event (usually something the guy has done or not done!).  

 

We tend to choose the interpretation most negative to ourselves – it’s a bit of an unconscious survival brain-fart:  “Best to know what the worst possible danger is so I’m best prepared”.

 

So how did I change my view?....

 

I made a choice to attach a helpful meaning to the guy disappearing (or anything else he may have done in contravention to the universal rule that he must become completely and immediately smitten by me).

 

I mean, why not?  If my thoughts are my reality, then dammit...I'm going to choose my reality!         

 

Let's face it, you've got plenty of choices...

  • He's trapped under a bookcase

  • He met someone else before you and decided to pursue that instead

  • He's actually too busy or there are other things demanding his emotions

  • He liked you too much and got scared

  • He didn't feel good enough for you

  • You're just not his cup of tea

  • He made a decision not to date that had nothing to do with you

  • He's a douche.  That is all

  • He's in a coma / got amnesia / was lost at sea

  • No.8 applies and he's just made room in your life for Mr Right to show up

Personally I used to like No.4. 

 

We don't know what the real reason is.  We CAN'T know what the real reason is unless he tells us, and I'm telling you right now that is NOT going to happen in 99% of cases.

 

It's a bit like Shrodinger’s Cat (I call it Shrodinger's Dating Excuses)...the cat in the box can be said to be both alive and dead until you open the box to find out.

 

In the same way all reasons are both true and untrue until he tells you otherwise...

 

That means that the truth in the meantime is up for grabs.  It's completely your choice...SO CHOOSE!

 

How did YOU overcome your dating blues?  I’d love to hear about your methods, or how you went trying out mine!

 

 

 

 

Stephanie Chan is a Sydney based Life Coach, Dating Coach and Presenter. 

Her passion is in working with people to improve self-worth, confidence & strength in all areas of their lives. 

 

 

For daily tips, articles and insights,  follow Steph on Facebook

 

 

 

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