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How Do I Find My Purpose?

Ever wondered what the heck you’re here for? Why you get up in the morning? You’re not alone. Most people I work with feel some sort of disconnect, unease or lack of contentment and they often can’t put their finger on why. They use terms like “I just feel a lack of direction” or “I feel disconnected”.

They struggle with this. I mean, really struggle. It’s not some fluffy problem that will just go away if you leave it alone long enough. It’s something that runs deep within our core and needs attention – something it doesn’t get a lot of because it doesn’t have neat and tidy answers that can be implemented like a new exercise regime.

There is a place to start to overcome this.

When asked “Who are you without job, family and friends?” a look of surprise will often come over my clients’ faces, and not unexpectedly. It’s the kind of answer we just expect to be there without ever having given substantial thought to it, like when I ask someone what their values are and they happily return with “Honesty” but that’s as much as they can come up with.

What is my purpose?

This is the question most avoided because it’s so closely tied in with a sense of self-worth, of adding value and contributing to the world. To admit you don’t have a purpose is like saying you don’t deserve to be here.

I felt like I didn’t have purpose until well into my 40’s, when I suddenly discovered what it was I was here to do. Prior to that I felt lost, the only purpose I had was that which my job gave me, and that did not connect with me at all. I envied those that seemed to know exactly what they were on this earth to do and despaired of finding my own calling.

The problem is that we are often striving for that one big, magic answer. We see people in the media who have found some lofty calling and are celebrated for it, and we feel that if we can’t similarly put our finger on some recognisable, impressive and laudable purpose then we sit in the opposite camp of having none. Not true. We’re just making it too big for now.

If you feel you lack purpose then I ‘m going to give you something to start on straight away.

It’s simple, everyone can do it, and it is in my opinion one of the most noble things someone can do to contribute to this world. What should you do? Just this:

Be an example.

You want to change the world? Do it one person at a time, starting with yourself. That is all you have to do to fulfil your purpose right now. It’s not always as easy as it sounds.

Living consciously on the planet, acting with grace towards your fellow man, following your independent code of honour – these can be challenging. Holding yourself to a higher standard than everyone else takes motivation and discipline.

Yet people everywhere need people like you. Pioneers who will show them a better way and give them courage to step up as well.

Everyone wants you to be in the gutter with them, do you have what it takes to stand above that and be a beacon to everyone else? This is your Starter-Purpose.

So if you’re unsure where to start, I’ll break it down to a few things you can begin on immediately.

Are you sinking to their level?

Often someone will act in some petty, spiteful or nasty way and in relating the tale you’ll be asked “So how are you going to get them back?” My question to this has always been “If I dislike their behaviour, why on earth would I do it myself and become like them?” Be bigger. Demonstrate to people what graciousness is through your everyday actions. Show the next generation that there is a different way to act and think than what they see on TV.

Be an example. Change the world one person at a time.

Choose consciously.

If, like me, you ever get frustrated with the collective arrogance of humanity in the way we treat our planet, it’s animals and resources, then also like me you’ll have felt that overwhelming helplessness and frustration. Here’s what you can start to do.

Food wastage is one of the biggest polluters on our planet, when you think about the resources that go into the food we leave on our plates and throw away. Start to act consciously, think about how what you buy impacts the earth and its animals. Also think about how it impacts your health in terms of the toxins you put on and in your body. Indigenous tribes throughout history had it right, respecting the land and being conscious of their impact. They also did not seem to have an issue with purpose!

  • Do you buy food in excessive packaging?

  • Do you do your utmost to compost, recycle, and use the whole food?

  • Do you use facial scrubs with plastic micro-beads in them that kill sea turtles?

  • Do you buy processed foods with palm oil in them that are killing orang-utan habitat?

  • Do you drive when you could walk?

  • Do you place your convenience over our planet?

Every dollar you spend casts a vote for the type of world you want to live in.

Start to sign up to blogs and Facebook Pages that will educate you and get you thinking about how you live, and show others your support through social media sharing. Nothing changes the masses like perceived consensus.

Try following Tyler Tolman on Facebook, or visit for some start-up inspiration.

Be an example. Change the world one person at a time.

Live a healthy life.

By respecting yourself and your body you will show others the way. People see obesity and bad health habits all around them – changes in society find their level and soon become the new perceived normal. Don’t let this happen.

You don’t need to convince people that they need to live a different way. Just do it yourself. Eat unprocessed food, drink filtered water, refuse medications, get sunlight, question what the scientific big-wigs tell you. Use natural (or better yet, home-made) beauty products. Cook from scratch. Get in touch with your spirit and your soul and spend time in nature.

Be an example. Change the world one person at a time.

Challenge the corporations.

Remember, every dollar you spend casts a vote for the type of world you want to live in. And the type of world you want for your children.

Big corporations have lots of money, but it doesn’t give them the right to rape our planet. And people have power when they do two things:

  1. Vote with their dollar

  2. Collectively object

So spend carefully and ethically. Choose suppliers and products that have a conscience.

There are also a number of sites and newsletters that run petitions on world and environmental issues all the time that you can sign by email in two seconds. These have impact – add your voice to the growing collective of people who care. Try or or

When you start to live a conscious life true to yourself, you’ll be amazed how “on purpose” you will feel. Start small, focus on you and what you do. You don’t have to change others and mount a crusade or spend a lot of money. Just be an example. People around you will begin to see your vitality, health and contentment, your passion for what is right, the higher standards of behaviour you display. Without you ever saying anything, your very actions will challenge and question what they do, and give them the courage to step up.

And there will be a very nice side effect for you – once you start on being an example and living a life that resonates with your innermost core, that’s when you’ll discover your higher purpose. Clarity comes on the journey, not sitting on the couch.

Be an example. Tread your own path. Change the world one person at a time.

Stephanie Chan is a Sydney based Life Coach, Dating Coach and Presenter.

Her passion is in working with people to improve self-worth, confidence & strength in all areas of their lives.

For daily tips, articles and insights, follow Steph on Facebook

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